Lost Love

Well I'm gonna take things back a bit. Before I met my ex, i was talking to a guy we'll call "jr". I was introduced to jr when i was in my first year in college. He was the friend of my friends bf. they're broken up now. well he was in the prison system when i met him. i was just supposed to be a pen pal buddy. Well it turned into something more than that. I would go and see him when ever i could and we would talk about any and everything. We started to get feelings for each other and i had promised that i would wait for him. Well i had met my ex on halloween night and he had managed to find me on myspace and then we had started talking. so while i was going to go see jr, i was also talking to my ex. While jr was still locked up, my ex would come see me and we would hang out and soon enough, i started to get feeling for him. Once jr got out, my friend took me to go see him and that was quite exciting but i was already with my ex at this time, when we got there, he gave me the biggest hug and sound and looked so excited to see me. As was i. When we got inside we were sitting on the couch just talking and grabbed his hand and looked him straight in the eyes and told him,"i"ve waited a long time to finally do this, to just touch you" and with that, we kissed. We then laid on the couch, the both of us, and we just talked and hugged and spent time together. Well my friend had got a phone call and she had went outside and jr ended pulling me into his bedroom. we started kissing and touching and he took off his shirt and i did too and we laid on the bed with him on top of me but i told him that i couldnt. Even though i had already gone so far with him, i couldnt go any further. He asked why and i told him that i had a bf. And he looked at me with the saddest eyes i had ever seen and he said," Its too late, isnt it" and i could just feel my heart sinking cause it was then when i realized how much he liked me. After we got dressed, we went into the living room and my friend was sitting down on the other couch and she had this look on her face that i would never forget, the type of look like, "ohh you did something bad". Well we stayed for a little while longer and went for a little walk. When we got back, we had to leave so we said our goodbyes and our see you laters. Once we were in the car, my friend was telling me how much of an idiot i was, for being with my bf and not with jr. That when ever jr looked at me, it was like i was the only person in the world. That he would look at me with so much care and love. After that day, i think i had seen him 2 other times but it was nothing like the first time. I was living with my bf when jr and i would talk. My bf would work nights, so when i was alone i would call him and we would talk for hours or until my ex came home. Well my ex's sister needed a phone and i wasnt using mine anymore so i let her use it but what i forgot to do was write his number down. So when she got it, she deleted all the numbers. And ever since that day, i havent talked or seen him. That 3 years ago. While me and ex were together, there wasnt a day that went by when i didnt think of him and how much i would tell myself how much of an idiot i was for letting him go. To this day i feel like i made the wrong decision in staying with my ex. If i had only waited for him, im sure things would have been way different. i catch myself sometimes, thinking about how my life wouldve been. Sooo i decided to become one of those crazy people and look for him online to see of i could find him. i already got some type of a lead, wish me luck!! lol