Lost Love

Well I'm gonna take things back a bit. Before I met my ex, i was talking to a guy we'll call "jr". I was introduced to jr when i was in my first year in college. He was the friend of my friends bf. they're broken up now. well he was in the prison system when i met him. i was just supposed to be a pen pal buddy. Well it turned into something more than that. I would go and see him when ever i could and we would talk about any and everything. We started to get feelings for each other and i had promised that i would wait for him. Well i had met my ex on halloween night and he had managed to find me on myspace and then we had started talking. so while i was going to go see jr, i was also talking to my ex. While jr was still locked up, my ex would come see me and we would hang out and soon enough, i started to get feeling for him. Once jr got out, my friend took me to go see him and that was quite exciting but i was already with my ex at this time, when we got there, he gave me the biggest hug and sound and looked so excited to see me. As was i. When we got inside we were sitting on the couch just talking and grabbed his hand and looked him straight in the eyes and told him,"i"ve waited a long time to finally do this, to just touch you" and with that, we kissed. We then laid on the couch, the both of us, and we just talked and hugged and spent time together. Well my friend had got a phone call and she had went outside and jr ended pulling me into his bedroom. we started kissing and touching and he took off his shirt and i did too and we laid on the bed with him on top of me but i told him that i couldnt. Even though i had already gone so far with him, i couldnt go any further. He asked why and i told him that i had a bf. And he looked at me with the saddest eyes i had ever seen and he said," Its too late, isnt it" and i could just feel my heart sinking cause it was then when i realized how much he liked me. After we got dressed, we went into the living room and my friend was sitting down on the other couch and she had this look on her face that i would never forget, the type of look like, "ohh you did something bad". Well we stayed for a little while longer and went for a little walk. When we got back, we had to leave so we said our goodbyes and our see you laters. Once we were in the car, my friend was telling me how much of an idiot i was, for being with my bf and not with jr. That when ever jr looked at me, it was like i was the only person in the world. That he would look at me with so much care and love. After that day, i think i had seen him 2 other times but it was nothing like the first time. I was living with my bf when jr and i would talk. My bf would work nights, so when i was alone i would call him and we would talk for hours or until my ex came home. Well my ex's sister needed a phone and i wasnt using mine anymore so i let her use it but what i forgot to do was write his number down. So when she got it, she deleted all the numbers. And ever since that day, i havent talked or seen him. That 3 years ago. While me and ex were together, there wasnt a day that went by when i didnt think of him and how much i would tell myself how much of an idiot i was for letting him go. To this day i feel like i made the wrong decision in staying with my ex. If i had only waited for him, im sure things would have been way different. i catch myself sometimes, thinking about how my life wouldve been. Sooo i decided to become one of those crazy people and look for him online to see of i could find him. i already got some type of a lead, wish me luck!! lol

Disturbia

Well, January was quite an interesting month. My cousin and her husband let me crash with them for the month while i got my life together from my messy breakup.And dealt with the games my ex insisted on playing. While i was taking the time to heal and to find inner peace, my ex decided to party it up and sleep with who ever he wanted. So what did i decide to do? I decided to have some fun of my own. Obviously our relationship must have meant nothing to him so why would i let me affect me.And that is when i decided to make my move on an acquaintance that i had met while i was with my bf.  Since i wont mention any real names on here, i'll call my first hook-up "Disturbia". There are some of you who know who this is, please keep his name private, thank you! Well anyways, we met and hit it off pretty well. We would text and talk about basic boring things until one day he said that he wanted to taste my lips.Yea i was pretty much blown away by this. But then i figured "what the hell im single i could do what ever the hell i wanted" and that is just what i did. I did put off us hanging out because i knew where it would head. it was inevitable, then one day when he asked if i wanted to watch a movie i said sure. We met up for coffee and we talked for a while there, things were a little awkward because we both knew what was gonna end up happening. So we finished our coffee and we went back to his place to watch a movie. The drive to his house was a little weird. there was that scary silence the kind where you dont know what could happen next. When we got to his house i was a little nervous because i already knew what was gonna happen and i hadnt been with any other man besides my ex for the past 3 years. once we got inside we made ourselves comfortable, taking off our shoes and slowly starting to lean on each other. With out thinking i rested my head on his shoulder and right when i did that he looked down and i could tell he was about to lean in and kiss me. Well i was right, he leaned in and kissed me, a slow sweet and tempting kiss. Once we pulled away from each other, it was like some one poured gasoline all over the place and struck a match, the heat intensified extremely between us and well lets just say, the living room was empty for the rest if the night.The next morning was also quite pleasurable. After our morning work out, he took a shower and i gave him a massage that nearly put him back to sleep, well it actually did but it was just a catnap. once the both of us woke up we decided it was time to head out. On the way back to my home, he was holding my hand. That was something i found quite weird. When we dropped me off he came and opened my door and i slid out of the seat to continue my walk of shame. but he stopped my by placing his hand on my stomach and pulling me into him for a good bye kiss. We kissed and i was released from his grasp to continue my walk of shame. After that day we hardly talked/texted which lead me to ask him if it was just a one time thing. He said no, that he wanted to still hang out with me. Well, we kept talking and texting after that but not as much as we did before. When he would get his kids, oh did i mention that he was (is) married and has 3 kids? and he lead me to believe he was 33 years old, when in reality he is 38, which makes him 17 years older than me. Yup, i said 17 YEARS!! that was quite a shocker but back to his marrrige, i guess he never got around to finalizing his divorce so basically he is still married. well one weekend night, we were talking and he had his kids over and his youngest one wanted to talk to me. I thought he was gonna say something to the effect that i was just a friend and to go play. Well i thought wrong! he handed his little one the phone and we talked for a while. Well after that night we kept talking and one night he asked what i was doing and i told him,"not a damn thing". That then turned into him telling me to be ready in 15 min. cause he was gonna be on his way. So i got ready and waited for him. As i was waiting,i looked at the clock my cousin has up that also says the date, and thats when i realized,it was my ex's and i 3 year anniversary, well what would have been. And there i was, spending it with another man, doing,well im pretty sure you know what we were doing. Well i ended up staying the night with him and spending that whole day there with him and didnt get home till that evening.And that was the last time i have seen him.We kinda talked but its nothing thats gonna go anywhere, i hope. lets hope he stays in my past. Well the day i got home, i checked my facebook and i seen that i had a friend request from this guy i didnt know. at first i was just like who hell is this guy and then i thought ohh what the hell so i added him. Well call him "yoshi".
to be continued...